By Riptide McGinnis (with occasional interruptions by Riley)
Many people believe I am one dog.
This is mostly true.
However, there have been times in my life when another personality has emerged.
His name is Riley.
He makes questionable choices. He has poor impulse control. He believes rules are merely suggestions.
Frankly, he is exhausting.
Scenario #1: Mom and Dad Are Eating Dinner
Riptide Says:
"I shall sit politely nearby and wait patiently for a tiny piece of something delicious to accidentally fall to the floor."
Riley Says:
"They appear distracted. This is an excellent opportunity to lift my leg on the room divider while maintaining direct eye contact to establish dominance."
Winner:
Riley.
Unfortunately.
Scenario #2: Mom Brings Home Pizza and a Glass of Wine
Riptide Says:
"Wonderful. A relaxing evening with my family. I shall enjoy the peaceful atmosphere."
Riley Says:
"Counterpoint: What if we poop right here in the kitchen while everyone is watching?"
Riptide Says:
"That seems unnecessary."
Riley Says:
"Exactly."
Winner:
Riley.
A dark time in our household history.
Scenario #3: Bedtime
Riptide Says:
"Mom and Dad have taken us outside for our final potty break. We will now curl up and sleep peacefully."
Riley Says:
"Interesting. However, have we considered peeing directly on Patrick's legs while he sleeps under the comforter?"
Riptide Says:
"We have considered it, and the answer is no."
Riley Says:
"Too late."
Winner:
Riley.
Patrick has not fully recovered.
Scenario #4: Off Leash Privileges
Riptide Says:
"Mom trusts us. This is a great responsibility. We should remain close and show her she made the right decision."
Riley Says:
"Garage doors are open. There are people to meet. Things to smell. Squirrels conducting suspicious activities. We have places to be."
Riptide Says:
"We are going to lose our freedom."
Riley Says:
"Yes. But think of the adventure."
Winner:
Riley.
Briefly.
Then the leash won.
Scenario #5: The $200 Bed
Riptide Says:
"Mom purchased this luxurious sleeping arrangement because she loves us. It is soft, supportive, and clearly a very thoughtful gift."
Riley Says:
"Agreed."
Riptide Says:
"Wonderful. So we shall sleep in it."
Riley Says:
"Absolutely not. We shall sleep on Mom."
Riptide Says:
"That is not what I meant."
Riley Says:
"I know."
Winner:
A shocking alliance.
Scenario #6: The Meal Schedule
Riptide Says:
"Mother has created a beautiful, reliable schedule. I appreciate her dedication."
Riley Says:
"Excellent. We have trained her well."
Riptide Says:
"We did not train her."
Riley Says:
"Look around."
Riptide:
(Crickets.)
Winner:
Riley.
Obviously.
Final Thoughts
People often ask Mom if I still have a little Riley left in me.
The answer is yes.
Riley is still here. He shows up when there are squirrels that need chasing, rules that seem negotiable, or opportunities for a little harmless mischief.
But Riley has learned something very important.
We are safe.
We are loved.
We are home.
So, these days, Riptide and Riley have learned to work together.
I provide the charm, the good manners, and the emotional support duties.
Riley provides the entertainment and occasionally reminds everyone that I am not perfect.
Together, we make one pretty fantastic dog.
(Although, between the two of us, I am clearly the better looking personality.)
Riley's Final Comment:
"You do realize we have the same face, right?"
Riptide:
"Details."
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